Everyone Has Gone to the Rapture

This game sucks

When I started this website, I never thought I would write an honest review of an actual work of media. It just so happens, however, that this game is so unbelievably awful that I have to tear it apart.

Context

I came to acquire the game "Everyone Has Gone to the Rapture" by The Chinese Room, and two or three other companies, through PlayStation plus. Even though I got the game for free, I still want my money back. This game was so embarrassingly stupid it almost moved me. I only finished this game because I just had to know how deep this rabbit hole went. To this day I am stunned by how vapid this experience has been.

Controls

Possibly the easiest thing to talk about in this game are the controls, and that is because the controls are the most convoluted dribble I have ever witnessed. Moving is a hassle as you, using the right stick, can only move in a lateral plane, facing one direction. In order to turn, you must spin the camera with the other stick. This kind of control of the character works better in third person. Seeing that there were no obstacles in this game, having tank controls would have been far more beneficial to the player.

The only other inputs in this game are the X button, the R2 button, and the controller. The X button can only be used to turn on radios that blare complete nonsense, answer telephones, open doors, and other thing that are inconsequential. The R2 button is the run button, and by a stretch of the word, if you can believe that. The whole game can be played without the run button, if you would like to play the game with both your legs broken. I suppose that would be more fitting, however, as you would be playing at the same pace as the games plot. It doesn't help that the run button is also the give your index finger a cramp if held down for a prolonged extension of time button. The main problem is that the run button doesn't even work immediately after being pressed. A better name for this button should be the start with a hobble transitioning into a stiff meander working up to a brisk springtime jog. There is also a really stupid recurring mechanic where you must tilt the controller at a very specific angle to start a cutscene.

Plot

OK, so get this. There are only six characters that matter: Jeremy, Molly, Frank, Lizzie, Stephen, and Kate. The importance of these characters are of reverse order listed. You are not any of these characters. Kate gets a job at a laboratory that is right next to some rural hick town somewhere in England that I don't remember the name of. Kate marries some loser named Stephen while staying in the middle of nowhere. I don't remember what Stephen actually does, because he is usually trying to help Kate with her research, while at the same time has the authority to call an airstrike. Three of the remaining characters are related to Stephen: Molly is his mother, Frank is his Uncle, and Lizzie is his girlfriend while he is married to Kate. This leaves Jeremy, who bears no resemblance to the plot, other than that everyone else says he bears responsibility for the plot. If anything, the first chapter was more about that old nagging woman, the one that told everyone that the world is ending or there's bacteria in the water or something dull like that, than Jeremy. Every single one of Jeremy's conversations boils down to, "Christ! What am I going to do with these people?" He's practically forgotten about after the second chapter. Speaking of the second chapter, nothing happens in the second chapter, other than the introduction to the fact that Stephen is a jackass. This statement is reiterated for the next two chapters. By the fifth chapter all you really learned about was that everyone hates Stephen, Kate is insane, and you can record messages on a 1970's radio. The main question is not answered, and will never be answered. That question being, "How is everyone in this town disappearing?" Or maybe it was, "Why is everyone getting ill?" The narrative alternates between the two being the issue, and it is unknown if the two co-exist or if one is more of an issue than the other. This bring me back to the air strike I mentioned earlier. Stephen wants to call an airstrike because of an epidemic that started in the town, but if everyone is disappearing one by one, then why bother striking everyone? I feel like I missed something, which is entirely possible, as most of the cutscenes are way out of the way, and most of those aren't even plot relevant. Anyways, chapter five chronicles Stephen's descent into pariahdom, but that's something we already know about. We know this at the fault of the game, in that the conversations are out of order. We have already seen the effects of Stephens jackassery, so showing his descent isn't that appalling. Not to mention the fact that his did everything "for love" makes his situation all the more comical. The final stage takes place in the observatory, and this is where we learn about who the real villain is. But we already know who the real villain is. They said who it was at the beginning of the game, back when the game looked interesting. The antagonist in this case is an angry space wizard that made people disappear and make them sick or something. Also it killed all the birds. Also the angry space wizard merges with Kate. Or it kills Kate. And then the angry space wizard kills the whole planet. Or maybe Kate did that. Or maybe Stephen did that. Or maybe YOU WERE THE KILLER THE WHOLE TIME!

After all of that, you must be asking yourself, "How do I fit into all of this?" Prepare to be disappointed, because you don't. You have nothing to do with the story. You don't have a name, you don't have a place, and you don't even cast a shadow. Nothing in the game justifies your existence. The game doesn't even point to what you are supposed to be. My impression is that I am supposed to be playing as myself, but then I must ask myself how I got here. Given that the title of the game is "Everyone Has Gone to the Rapture", that would imply that I, too, should have gone to the rapture, as I am a body, and that is where all the bodies went. Seeing as you start next to the laboratory, one would as assume, as many have on the internet, that you are actually Kate. I dislike this theory, as it does not account for the fact that Kate has a body, which means that she went to the rapture. Also, she disintegrated from space magic.

The ambiguity of the main character compounds despairingly with ambiguity of said characters goals. The point behind this game is to figure out where everyone went by walking around and eavesdropping on the conversations of projections from the past. The name of this game is "Everyone Has Gone to the Rapture".

Can you figure out why this doesn't work?

What does any of this mean?

You can argue on every and any forum imaginable that this game has some kind of profound meaning. As is to say that the game is open to discussion, but not any meaningful discussion. Nothing that happens in this game really points to anything. Not to mention by the very nature of the game, anything that happens is inconsequential. Everything already happened. I may have even liked this game if it took place during the game, and your actions in the game have consequences. The glowing ball of light that follows you around isn't even helpful as everything it shows you is out of context. I take no issue in a story being ambiguous, but there should still be some kind of compass pointing towards a set of conclusions.

I'm not too worried. The game isn't even that deep. Besides, I think we all know what this game is really about.

This is the last image shown in the credits. I don't know what this means.

Edited by me.

Final Rating

Category Rating Notes
Artistic Value 7 The game does look really nice. And the music is good too. These are the only things I liked about it.
Community -6 I would tell you why I gave this rating, but you wouldn't understand it.
Cost -3 I got it for free, but it was twenty dollars at some point. This is a five-dollar game, tops.
Didactic Undertones -5 Incorrect use of the rapture. Just ask the people who went.
Humor 2 Not normally applicable, but I think I laughed once.
Intrigue -8 It started off cool, but the grandeur of the scenery wears off fast.
Irritability -9 Mainly for the glowing ball and dialogue.
Philosophical Integrity -1 Something about the futility of life. My character is still alive, so that defeats the purpose.
Pretentiousness -3 A byproduct of the lack of philosophical integrity
Sophistication 6 OK, it takes itself seriously, which I can appreciate.
Total -20 It's a good game if you have played everything else.

In conclusion

I would recommend this game to twelve-year-old Call of Duty fans. It has everything they could ask for. It has good graphics, a vapid story, and a melodramatic portrayal of something mundane. You can even press F to pay respects. Or twist the controller. I don't know.

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