Green Room

Green Room Was OK but Not Very Good

I watched Green Room a few weeks ago and it wasn't very good but it wasn't awful either. I have a purely milquetoast reception to this movie that came out a year ago.

Things that are good

There was this one shot at the beginning of the movie where the car was venturing into a forest that looked neat. I liked how the greens meshed together to make a flurrie of greens. The car sending through the green symbolized the threat of things to come. Green is also a recurring symbol of death, with what of the band member to die having green hair and the movie set in a green forest. The antagonists wear red laces, the opposite of green, but that part of the analogy might be broken as those with red laces never actually do anything in the movie. The safest part of the house, in the basement, is blue. This is good color theory present in the movie.

Things that are not good

This movie runs on a bit of an excuse plot. There had to be some situation to validate getting the main characters to get to the shack where all the plot points take place. No one in there right mind would go there, so in order to get the plot to work, all the characters had to be very stupid. Everyone in the movie being stupid provides a conflict of interest, because the drive to the main plot is of the protagonists trying to outsmart the antagonists. Because the protagonists are stupid, and the antagonists are stupid, it becomes obvious that the main conflict is going to come down to a battle of physical strength as opposed to one of mental fortitude. The two of the five who live at the end try to pull off a battle of wits against the enemy, but thier ploy only works because the enemies are stupid themselves.

Plot

This movie made no god damn sense what so ever. The main characters are a shitty punk band that can't make money because punk died twenty years ago and will never return. They do this gig in northern Oregon and only get paid six dollars because they played in a fast food resturant. Their manager says that they can make more money if they play in a shack in the middle of a forest that no one would ever find. Their manager says, "OK guys, you can play here in this dumb shack, but be careful because the people who run the place are on the right, but technically far left," and one of the dudes says, "Oh damn, these guys are nazis!" So the catch is they have to play for a bunch of nazis. But nazis don't like music so they get their nipples in a twist when the band tells them to fuck off.

I should mention at this point that the characters have names, but I don't remember thier names because all the characters are the same so I will refer to everyone as "That Dude"

After the show the dudes go upstairs to get a few things but one of the dudes goes into the green room because he has to get the one chicks phone and he sees that some dude stabbed some chick in the head. He grabs the phone and tries to call the police but then this one dude, I think he was a manager, runs up and shouts, "Oh my god someone just opened an undertow!" and he gets the dude with the phone. The police get there and then they leave because the head manager can do hypnosis and some one else faked a stab.

Now the whole cast gathers in the green room to write the script. Along with the three dudes and the chick in the band, there is a dead chick, a living chick, and a really fat dude. The fat dude is an asshole. He just stands around and says, "You will never get me I am far too fat." Then he says that he killed the dead chick. Everyone gangs up on him and they get him and he is now on the ground. The main one dude keeps the door shut and the dude on the ground. They ask him questions but he is just too fat so they don't learn anything. The band dudes and the fat man keep tricking each other until ol' Stewie Pat shows up and tricks everyone in the room into giving him a gun. Then the lights go out and go back on and the chick who wasn't in the first band kills the fat man. I don't know why the lights went out, it wasn't explained and wasn't elaborated on. I also didn't get the part when the chick looks at the men through the door and says "They're killing us." They are not killing anyone and anyone with those shoes never kill anyone is this move. There was another weird part where the fat man shouts, "I AM GOING TO RAPE EVERYONE IN THIS ROOM!"

Nothing happens in the next few minutes of the movie because the musicans are standing around thinking that the Nazis are trying to trick them while the nazis are standing around outside thinking the musicans are trying to trick them? What is the significance of the nazis with red laces. They wait outside of rooms and pick their noses outside the shack. Why can't they just enter the room and shoot the music dudes. They don't have any advantage, and the know that. The musicians exit the room and three of them die. Then everyone has dumb conversations with each other that don't mean anything. Then the two musicians go into the basement in the ground and two nazis follow them, and they fight in a really akward scene that only worked because nazis are very stupid. Points for realism, but points taken away for not having the tank leak from getting hit by a pipe.

After the nazis die in the basement, the two musicians leave and go outside. The rest of the movie is of them shooting the nazis that are outside. There is also a janitor, but his character gets dropped without a resolution. The ending is the weirdest part, the dude says to the chick, "I know what my desert island band is." and then the chick says, "Tell someone who gives a shit" and then the movie ends. This is an odd way to end the movie, as the desert island argument is a common theme throught the movie, but everytime it's brought up it feels so non-sequitor. Some one will just ask in the middle of a conversation, "Hey! What's your desert island band?"

Thoughts

This movie is not smart enough to be this movie. It can't decide whether it wants to be an introspective take on the human condition in an unfavorable place, or a dumb movie about young adults who die. At the begining of the movie, one of the characters tries to be snarky, and says something like, "If you do that again I'll tell them your jewish" but then immedietly afterwards the band plays a song Nazi Punks, Fuck Off and only one dude leaves. There is another part later in the film where the now group of five say verbatim, "Let's split up!" Did the director think he was pulling a fast one on me? There was another really stupid part a bit into the movie when they break into a basement through wooden flooring and find a grate that leads outside, but can't get through the grate. Even though they have a knife and axe to cut through the wire. This makes no sense, these characters are too stupid for this movie.

Another thing I didn't like was how all the characters don't do anything. They are very passive. For a good chunk of the movie, all anyone does is stand inside the shack or outside the shack. The movie would have been better if the characters had something to do the whole time.

Conclusion

FINAL RATING

Category Rating Notes
Artistic Value 3 Points for the color theory mentioned earlier.
Community 4 Not nazis
Cost -2 You can get it at Wal-Mart for 7.50$ and that is too much. I watched it on amazon prime.
Didactic Undertones -1 Straightforward movie as far as I'm concerned.
Humor -2 Out of place when appearant.
Intrigue -5 Boring movie with nothing to say.
Irritability -4 These people are very stupid.
Philosophical Integrity -8 No philosophical context
Pretentiousness 3 Nah.
Sophistication 2 Sort of.
Total -10 I barely remember what happened after finishing.

Conclusion

A bunch of dumb musicians get kidnapped by a bunch of dumb nazis and everyone dies. The bassist gets eaten by a dog so that is a bonus.

My desert island band is Swans, by the way.

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